My life’s life insurance. It should be called “love insurance” because this is a way to protect loved ones financially and emotionally as much as possible. My family is my life. What got me thinking about my life’s life insurance and carrying out my final wishes when it is my time? Well, my mother and I were talking one evening, over drinks, the moon, and sound of the breeze. Recent events prompted us to speak about life. She recently experienced a terrifying experience with a family member. The gist of the story is this person means the WORLD to her. An allergic reaction to medication on a camping trip put her in flight or fight mode. Does she stay, or does she go?
1. She wants to leave because she wants to get medical attention.
2. She wants to stay because if this person passes, she wants to be able to hold their hand and comfort them should they leave the world.
3. She’s reminded that life is crazy. Yes, she has her cell phone, but she has no service she is in the middle of the boonies because she is camping.
Thankfully, this situation ended up okay. Medical attention is received, medication dosage changed. This person has been able to seek continued medical care through repeat monitoring at doctor’s visits. That day, all was okay, but one day it will not be. My Mother and I both know this.
This event, deaths in my circle, and unexpected tragedies in this world made me really start to think about life. To be honest, talking about death I feel is a bad omen. It’s the superstitious part of me. Lastly, often after death, we are just reactionary, we just wait until it happens. Often, I hear of families/friends who receive unexpected news of a loved one passing. Funeral arrangements are then planned. Commonly, we want to lay our loved one’s soul to rest within a reasonable amount of time. The grief-stricken heart and planning can cause tension between family members/friends that want the absolute best goodbye for their loved one. Wanting the perfect farewell is rightfully so.
Loved ones of the deceased argue because they don’t know what the dead exactly wanted as their life’s celebration. The loss of a loved one is stressful enough. If you add planning their services in an already emotional state, this can be unbearable. I’m always saddened to see the tension. I never really gave it real thought, what happens to me when I am gone? I also don’t like talking about it because I find it incredibly eerie to speak about something that hasn’t happened. Also, something I pray for one hundred years to come will not occur to me. I also always pray for the manner in how myself, my husband or loved ones leave this world.
Let me be frank; death SCARES the hell out of me. Who wants to talk about death? Not, me. But, I realized it is a conversation, which I needed to have, at the very least with my husband. When I leave this world, he is responsible for making sure I leave it happy, and peacefully. I opened up the conversation with my husband. I asked him, awkwardly: “Babe, you know death, right? Like, dying.” He responded, “Yes, babe how could I not know about that?” I went on to explain why I wanted to talk about it.
My biggest reason for bringing it up is my need to know should he pass away before me, what does he want me to do for him? What does he want me to carry out? I want to make sure he is satisfied with the way I choose to honor his legacy after he is gone. Making sure financially he will be okay. I also wanted clarity, in knowing would he be offended if I loved after him? I also wanted him to know how my celebration should be. The things I wanted him to do to live my legacy. Lastly, if I should go before him, I want him to find “ love” again.
Let me be VERY clear, I am not wishing death upon us. I hope we live a long fulfilled life and pass with each other. You know, just like the movie The Notebook.
I think we have that same type of fairytale love. I feel we have that bonded love where we can’t live without one another. Death is not upon us, nor do I think it will happen anytime soon. But I learned through that conversation. I was comforted to know what each other wanted. When the time comes, I will not have to question; I will do just as he says. And that brings me immense peace.
I laugh about it. It’s bringing a smile to my face now. The things he will do for me, should I leave this world first. The things I will have to do for him, should he leave this world first. He isn’t a man that likes heights, but for me WILL have to jump out of a plane. My husband wasn’t a huge dog person before me, but for me, he’ll have to live on at least an acre of land in order for him to adopt dogs in my honor. He will also continue to help in the community. He already does this because he has a huge heart. Ranging from giving to the veterans, feeding the homeless, or mentoring the youth. I don’t care what it is, just give back, and help.
I will want him to find love again. Jokingly I say that if he ever loved another woman, that I would haunt him and her. It’s only because I selfishly love him. But, if I left this world first, the real story is I would lead him to her. I would not want him to live in this world without a companion that was his “ride or die.” Everyone needs one of those. We closed the conversation making sure that we both had life insurance. My husband honestly doesn’t care about the money. I honestly believe him. What he doesn’t understand is, I know the money will not fill the void of love, money is a necessity in this life. We agreed the vast majority of the money would go to our children. We don’t have any yet, but when we do, we know all sacrifices will be for them.
For his side of the token, I will share limited details because I feel like this is his story to share. I will give you a little insight. I just laugh because the things I would need to do for him, are crazy! He thinks the same about mine! He would want me to learn how to fly a plane and own a helicopter. Talk about goals. Right? Funny thing is I want to jump out of a plane for that one-time thrilling experience, but I HATE to fly. I am an anxiety ridden flier, and he is often the one to talk me down during flight.
He would want me to love, again. Knowing me though, I am incredibly loyal, and I honestly don’t think I could love, again. Plus, I am a Taurus we crave companionship, but we are comfortable being alone. We are loyal creatures. I honestly always felt like once I found love, it would be the only one. My surroundings included relationships from grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles that have only had one mate their entire lives. I have always wanted that. I am sure I achieved this.
As I finish this blog, I am going to end this with how I want the details to go when it’s time. I want to be cremated. I’d like my ashes to go to my immediate family ( husband, children ( I hope to have) sisters, mom, and dad). I want to be sprinkled in the ocean and on my father’s grave. If Coach has passed, and I have his ashes, sprinkle him with me.
The ocean has always been my serenity. There is no better feeling than going to the beach to unwind. The sun, breeze, and smell of the water ignite my soul. I have always had a gypsy spirit, so as my loved ones travel this world, I want to go on those adventures too. Sprinkle me wherever you go and think of me. Please, don’t have a depressing viewing. I don’t want you to see my body after I leave this world. Instead, rally together in black and purple colors ( for my beloved Ravens) and go on a hike. After the hike, throw a fantastic cookout/party. Sit by a bonfire, drink as much Miller Lites as you can digest. Tell embarrassing stories of my life and listen to some TLC. Someone’s going to need to know how to rap Left Eye’s part in the song Waterfalls.
Just saying, I expect to hear my dad sing the song we danced to on my wedding night. Bob Dylan’s cover of Make You Feel My Love. His voice has always soothed me, and it will comfort me then. Play great music and dance. And when I say dance, I mean to shake your money makers! Maybe you all will have a camping weekend away, or perhaps it will be just for a day and night. Please also play my wedding songs John Legend: All of me, and Leela James: Fall For you. At the end of the night or the next morning, on some biodegradable balloons write me some messages. The writer in me will ALWAYS love words from your hearts.
I know some people will want a place to go to be able to visit with me. Have a park bench made in my memory. Engrave my name in it, carve your names in it, and visit me in nature. I will be there. Lastly, never sit in sadness. I know I will always be there for all that I love, no matter the state of being I am in. Keep me in your prayers, and I will always hear them. I just would want for you to carry on my best qualities. Love others, be kind, cry a little, laugh a lot, kiss a lot, hug a lot, and chase those dreams. By all means, DO NOT carry on my stubborn trait.
I wrote this to encourage you to speak about this and maybe gather a plan. For me, I want to make sure that all the burdens that I can control now are taken care of for my loved ones. Your loved ones knowing how to celebrate your life is essential. Everyone always feels like death won’t happen to them, but the reality is no one knows when it’s our time. I take comfort in knowing my husband and I have a fund which will save for our funeral expenses. No one has to come out of pocket or think about how to cover the rather costly expenses of a funeral.
The average cost for cremation is between $1,5000- $4,000 dependent on if a funeral home handles it or directly through a crematory. I’ve read many articles which provide information indicating that the average cost of a funeral is between $7,000 – $10,000. This is a lot of money, in today’s day and age. I will also have a will, which of course will directly outline how my estate should be dispersed. Most importantly, I have identified exactly how I want to be celebrated. Those that don’t follow suit, I will haunt you. (Just kidding, kind of).
The reason behind my intentions is because I love my loved ones and I want to make the transition easier. My hope is that it does. Now that this is off my chest. I am going to continue to live graciously for this beautiful life. I’m going to tell my loved ones I love them. And then I’m going to say it to them a little more. I’m going to continue to create memories with love and laughter. I’m merely going to LIVE.